We are coming up on the 2nd in-house visitation of our MCA residency, and it is a workshop with the renowned Butoh artist Diego Pinon Sepp.  I have not yet met the man, I have been corresponding with his stateside facilitator Nicole LeGette, and today, she told me that some of my plans for the weekend will not work for Diego.  Mainly, he doesnt want any observers, only participants, and he doesnt feel comfortable with the process being videotaped.  This creates some problems for me, for various reasons: too many people, our documentary, the feature article the Reader was going to do on the workshop, etc…and when I looked inside myself for irk, though I had a moment when I felt my will being stifled, there was some, but to be honest, mostly I understand it.  Ideally, I insist on privacy, and participation, its the Schroedingers Cat thing, observation changes the thing being observed.  At the MCA I have compromised this because of the situation, people are invited to come in and visit and observe, and it was not a problem during our first workshop.  I did notice, inside myself, at that time, that observers were very evident to me, and I had a bad moment when I felt that the thing we were doing was not going well.  I do tend towards constant external evaluation bounce, anyone watching mysteriously becoming a projected part of my interior monologue of self-criticism.  So even though I am bothered by not getting what I think I want, I am kind of pleased to be protected in the process.  I have absolutely no idea what to expect.  This is a totally unusual experience for me.  At 50, having an artistic opportunity that is truly a mystery to me is quite thrilling.  I am scared shitless, dont get me wrong.  My fat ass will be hanging out there to dry, I know that for sure.  I have no physical strength, my body is ungainly and slow, I feel off my game, and I will have the pressure (self imposed) to make sure my people dont somehow come up short, or hate the man, or something like that.  But all that being said, I am just going to show up and do my best and allow something to happen.  Fuckin’ A, if I can chaperone two parents out of this world and one kid into it, I can fuckin do a weekend workshop.